


departure, voyage, return

by johnllauren



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety, Campaign: Graduation (The Adventure Zone), Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, This is so soft, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: “Neither of us is gonna get hurt,” Argo says, “I promise.”“That’s not something you can promise,” Fitzroy responds, his voice soft, betraying how afraid he is.“I know.” Argo’s voice mimics his own in its softness, though Fitzroy can’t tell if he’s being gentle or just trying not to wake the snoring Firbolg.Or, Argo and the Firbolg have to leave Wiggenstaff's while Fitzroy is forbidden to do so, leaving him alone.
Relationships: Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Master Firbolg & Argo Keene & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 13
Kudos: 101





	1. i: departure

**Author's Note:**

> look its a multichapter fic for a change! also I haven't written maplekeene in so long.... oops
> 
> this is so . soft. this is gonna be so soft i promise

It’s just a few days. 

It’s just a few days, and Fitzroy has other friends here which means he’ll only be alone at night, and Argo and the Firbolg are more than capable enough to make it on their own and come back in one piece. 

He just wishes he could stop _worrying_ about it. 

“You’re leaving me.” Fitzroy says into the quiet room, but it isn’t quite accusatory. 

Argo looks up from where he’s stuffing clothes and various other essentials into a worn cloth bag. “It’s not like we have a choice.”

“We will be fine,” the Firbolg says. 

“How am I supposed to know that?” He’s resorted back to the almost biting tone he’d used at the beginning of their first semester at Wiggenstaff’s, and this time it’s even more glaringly obvious that it’s a defense mechanism. 

Argo looks at him, his eyes soft, and Fitzroy _knows_ what pity looks like. He can feel anger pressing against him, trying to get him to give into it, and he grits his teeth to keep it at bay. “I told you, we’ll get another notebook of farspeech. This will be the last time you won’t hear from us.” 

Fitzroy nods. “If either of you does anything stupid, I’ll - I’ll kill you.”

“That would be counterproductive,” the Firbolg says. “I hope you don’t mean it.” 

“I don’t,” Fitzroy says, fondness finally creeping its way back into his voice. 

“We’ll be quick,” Argo says, “and we won’t get into any trouble. And we’ll come right back here - do not pass go, do not collect $200, and all of that.” 

“I know.” 

It’s the last evening they have before Argo and the Firbolg have to leave. They’ve never parted like this, never separated for two of them to go on a mission while one is left alone. The anxiety of it all has settled into Fitzroy’s bones, leaving him constantly uneasy. He doesn’t even feel safe at the school when Argo and the Firbolg are _with_ him, he’s going to be so vulnerable without his sidekicks, and there’s always the possibility that they could get hurt or captured or worse and there’s nothing Fitzroy can fucking do about it because he’s stuck at Wiggenstaff’s with no way to communicate with them. 

He hates it.

“Deep breaths,” Argo says, and only then does it occur to Fitzroy that he’d been zoning off, staring at the wall as his hands ball into fists. 

“Sorry.” He shakes himself and tries to relax. 

“It’s gonna be fine. We’re just getting information. No combat required.” Argo reminds him. Again. 

“I know,” Fitzroy snaps. 

“Something tells me Fitzroy doesn’t trust our expert communication and accounting skills,” the Firbolg says. 

“I trust you.” Fitzroy says, not realizing the vulnerability of that statement until after he says it. “I… trust the two of you a lot.” 

Argo looks up. “I can’t speak for the Firbolg, but I trust the two of you, too.” 

“So do I.” 

“Great, I’m glad we got that settled. Trust. That’s gotta be… good for the business, right?” Fitzroy asks. 

“Trust is very powerful,” the Firbolg says, “I will not let the two of you down. And I hope you both feel the same.” 

“Of course we do.” Argo says, looking at Fitzroy, who nods. 

“Speaking of trust, I hope I can trust the two of you to be safe, right?”

“Yes, _mom_.” 

Fitzroy makes a face at Argo. “What, if I can’t be with you, I at least get to-”

“-Nag us while you are with us?” the Firbolg finishes, which earns him a high five from Argo. 

“Exactly.” 

Argo smiles at Fitzroy. “Alright, alright. That’s enough nagging. I think all three of us need to go the fuck to bed if we’re waking up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow.” 

He takes that as a dismissal, so he bids his goodnights to Argo and the Firbolg, tries to ignore the anxiety that’s making a pit in his stomach, and returns to his room. If he thinks he can feel Argo’s eyes on him as he leaves, it’s definitely just his mind playing tricks on him, so he forces the thought of it away. 

For some reason, he’s surprised when he finds himself lying awake in bed two hours later. His mind is swirling with thoughts about Argo and the Firbolg - about the whole mission being some kind of trick or sabotage, them being killed, or tortured, held somewhere against their will because of this stupid school while Fitzroy is powerless to help them. He’s not a stranger to bad dreams by any means, and he knows that falling asleep now would only lead to visions of the only two people he can trust dying in terrible, terrible ways. 

The morning might bring with it his last ever conversation with Argo Keene, a thought that makes him sick, and he knows he doesn’t have the courage to come clean and tell Argo he’s in love with him, a thought that makes him even sicker. 

Finally, he can’t stand being alone any longer and decides to check on his sleeping comrades. The Firbolg is lying face-down and snoring, and Argo is practically motionless in his bed. Fitzroy stands in the doorway awkwardly, trying to discern if Argo is awake or not when Argo pushes himself up onto his elbows. “You okay, Fitz?”

Fitzroy nods, but he doubts it looks convincing. “I can’t sleep,” he says, “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and you’ll be gone.” 

“We’ll wake you up before we leave, remember? We agreed.” 

“Yeah.” 

Argo shifts in the bed so he’s laying on his side. “Come here.” 

Fitzroy obliges and sits on the edge of the bed. 

“Lie down,” Argo says. 

He does. They’re close, closer than they’ve probably ever been: Argo’s shoulder is brushing against his and their faces are almost touching, but Fitzroy doesn’t mind in the slightest. 

“Neither of us is gonna get hurt,” Argo says, “I promise.”

“That’s not something you can promise,” Fitzroy responds, his voice soft, betraying how afraid he is. 

“I know.” Argo’s voice mimics his own in its softness, though Fitzroy can’t tell if he’s being gentle or just trying not to wake the snoring Firbolg. 

Fitzroy pulls at his hair in frustration. It’s already standing up everywhere, the result of tossing and turning in his bed. “I don’t think I can-”

“-I know what it’s like to lose people, Fitzroy, and I’m doing everything in my power to make sure nothing happens. To any of us.”

“Okay,” Fitzroy says, and it sounds hollow, empty. 

Argo is quiet.

“I’ve never had anyone like this, I’ve ever - I’ve never had people I care about like this,” Fitzroy continues. “I’m not going to be able to make it if either of you…” he doesn’t finish the thought. A chill makes its way down his spine at the mention of either of his Thundermen getting hurt. 

“Yes you will,” Argo says. “You’ll be just fine, Fitz.”

“Stop. Don’t try to comfort me about the possibility of you getting hurt, don’t-” Fitzroy says, his voice rising as he gets more erratic. 

“Shh,” Argo presses a finger to his lips. “The Firbolg is sleeping.” 

Fitzroy ignores the way Argo’s finger against his lips makes him feel, ignores the warmth spreading from his lips to the tips of his ears making him feel stupidly giddy, ignores how badly he’d like to turn his head and kiss Argo. “You better not get hurt.” He says. 

Only then does Argo remove his finger, which had been on Fitzroy’s lips for what could be called an uncomfortably long amount of time, though they had both only just noticed this.

“I’ll do my best,” Argo says, mostly to break the silence while they both overthink. 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” 

Argo gasps in mock affront. “I’ve never done anything stupid in my life!” 

Fitzroy rolls his eyes. “Most things you do are stupid.” 

“Fuck you,” Argo says. 

“Wow, that was eloquent. I guess you’ve won the argument, huh.” 

“Well, you’re the one who said it, not me.” Argo says.

“You’re impossible,” but he’s laughing, clamping a hand over his mouth to keep quiet. 

“Shh! If you wake the Firbolg, I’m gonna-” 

“I’m not gonna wake the Firbolg, he needs his beauty sleep.”

Argo looks at him. “And so do you, Fitzroy.”

Fitzroy stiffens. “Oh. if you wanted me to leave you could’ve just asked-”

“I’m not asking for you to leave, just to fall asleep,” Argo clarifies, gesturing to the bed they’re both on. Argo’s bed. Argo wants Fitzroy to sleep in his bed.

It’s Fitzroy’s turn to be eloquent. “Oh.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” 

Argo shifts to push the pillow in between them and then lies on his side, facing Fitzroy. He meets Fitzroy’s gaze, smiles, and closes his eyes. Fitzroy can’t help but stare at him, dumbfounded. Just the proximity is enough to make his heart feel like it’s pounding out of his chest, let alone the look of innocence on Argo’s face as he lets himself drift into sleep. Something in Fitzroy’s chest twists and he pushes the hurt away, intent on letting himself have this last night with Argo before things may or may not go to hell. 

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep exactly, but he does know the last thing he sees is Argo’s sleeping face. 

Fitzroy wakes up once in the middle of the night to the sound of murmuring and movement. Argo is shifting in the bed again, tossing in whatever room he has left to move in - these beds really aren’t made for two people, are they - and he’s saying something indecipherable, his brow knit in concern. Fitzroy places his hands on Argo’s shoulders and shakes him gently. 

“Argo?”

Argo jumps. “Fitzroy?” He asks, loud, afraid. 

“It’s just me, Argo, you’re fine. You’re safe.” He’s hesitant. He’s never been good at comforting people, but there’s something about Argo that makes it easier. Something about Argo that makes everything easier. 

“Nightmare. Sorry,” Argo says, nothing more than a mumble. 

Fitzroy’s face softens. “It’s okay. I get them too.” 

Argo swallows. The room is dark, lit only by moonlight, but Fitzroy can see the panic in Argo’s eyes regardless. 

“You’re safe,” Fitzroy repeats. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Argo shakes his head stiffly. 

“Okay. That’s alright too. Do you - can you - uh, do you wanna go back to bed?”

He nods, shrinking into himself. He looks small and afraid and it makes Fitzroy ache, but it also makes him _angry._ Makes him want to destroy anyone who could make Argo feel like this. He pushes the thoughts away. 

Fitzroy opens his arms. A question. 

Argo all but falls into them, and Fitzroy wraps them around him. Fitzroy’s much taller than him now, which makes the arrangement somewhat easier as Argo lays his head on Fitzroy’s chest and Fitzroy rests his on top of Argo’s head gently. Argo relaxes against him and pulls the blanket up to cover them. 

He smells like the sea and something Fitzroy can’t quite put his finger on, but it’s a smell he’s gotten used to from spending so much time around Argo. Holding Argo is something Fitzroy never really expected to do, but now that he’s doing it it’s something he never wants to _stop._ Argo is soft but solid, a constant presence, and Fitzroy can feel him slowly drifting back off to sleep, can feel the tension disappearing bit by bit. He doesn’t know if he’s ever been more content. 

The next time Fitzroy wakes up, Argo’s shaking him awake. “C’mon, Fitz, get up,” he’s saying. 

Fitzroy rubs his eyes and sits up. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning.” Argo responds. “Took forever for you to get up.” 

So they’re back to their usual banter. That’s okay. Fitzroy can deal with that. 

“‘S not my fault we were basically up all night.” 

The Firbolg is already standing, busy getting last minute things in order. Argo gets up from his bed to do the same, changing his clothes right in front of both of them. After so many months and near-death experiences, shame has become nonexistent between all of them. 

Fitzroy runs a hand through his hair. “D’you have everything you need? And water? And snacks?”

“Yes, we do,” Argo says, “You asked us that yesterday.” 

It doesn’t take long for them to finish getting ready, though of course they’re behind schedule anyway. Time passes too quickly, and then they’re standing by the door, ready to leave, and Fitzroy is starting to feel painfully alone. 

He hugs the Firbolg first. The Firbolg has gradually gotten more used to such customs, so he hugs back after only a moment’s hesitation. “You’ll make sure he’s eating enough citrus, right? And you remember everything from accounting, and if you get into combat-” 

“We are prepared, Fitzroy, you don’t need to worry,” the Firbolg says after he pulls away. 

Fitzroy nods. “I know. I trust you.” 

Argo is the one who hugs him. He holds Fitzroy close and buries his head in Fitzroy’s chest and Fitzroy hugs him back, afraid to let go. But he does, because he has to, and then he finds himself staring into Argo’s eyes as Argo stares back at him. Fitzroy almost reaches forward and kisses him, just to finally do it, finally know what it’s like, but he holds himself back. It could ruin everything they have, and on today of all days, when he might be seeing Argo for the last time… it’s too risky. He holds himself back. 

“We’ll be home soon, Fitz,” Argo tells him as they walk out the door. 

_Home._ Argo had called their dorm home. 

Fitzroy doesn’t know when he started thinking of their dorm as home, but he can’t think of anywhere else where he’s felt his safe, this comforted. It has become his home without him even realizing it. 

He watches the two of them until they round a corner and disappear from his sight, and then he shuts the door behind them.


	2. ii: voyage

He’s alone.

Vaguely, Fitzroy can remember there being a time when he would’ve preferred to be alone, a time before he started attending Wiggenstaff’s. It seems too long ago, a sort of “before time,” and upon thinking about it he realizes he doesn’t want to dwell on it anymore. Despite all the fear of dying and surveillance and the weight of the school on his shoulders, he finds that there isn’t any other way he’d rather have it.

But this newfound companionship, this new solace that he’s found in laughter and inside jokes and the sound of snoring leaves him vulnerable. The absence of his companions hurts him in a way he had never anticipated to hurt. 

It’s so quiet. Too quiet.

He ends up leaving the dorm after twenty minutes in favor of seeing Rainer. 

Rainer, as always, is doing a remarkable job of putting up with their bullshit. They’d disappeared for days and come back looking much worse than she’d ever seen them and full of secrets. She, of course, took it in stride. 

They had decided on their first night back in the dorm to operate on a need-to-know basis with whatever other friends they had left. This meant that Rainer knows next to nothing about what’s actually going on while also seeing through every single lie they’ve been telling for the last few weeks. She has yet to bring it up, though Fitzroy still feels himself freeze when she raises an eyebrow at their shitty lies. 

“Fitzroy! Did they leave?” 

He nods. 

“I hope you weren’t expecting this to be a study date or something, I left all my books in my room, but there’s plenty of other shenanigans to be having, really, so-” 

The lie Argo crafted was that Fitzroy had stayed behind to catch up on his schoolwork while Argo and the Firbolg left for yet another real-world mission. Fitzroy isn’t even sure it convinced their Gary. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Fitzroy says. “It’s, uh, good to see you again. Good to be back at the school.” 

Rainer nods. “I’m glad you think so.” 

A pause while Fitzroy tries to think of something to say and comes up with nothing. 

Rainer runs her fingers through her hair. “Look, Fitzroy, I get that you’ve got some kind of… secret information, or whatever, I’m not stupid, okay? But I think things would be a lot easier if you could tell me why you’re so _nervous_ all the time. Or at least how I could help.” 

“Right.” Fitzroy swallows. “We, ah, can’t keep anything from you, can we?”

She shakes her head. “I’m very perceptive.”

“I’ve gathered.” 

They’re heading toward the far end of the campus green, which is usually empty thanks to the general laziness of the student body. That makes it a perfect place for scheming. Or getting grilled by the smartest person you know. 

“So how much can you tell me?” Rainer asks once they’ve settled underneath the shade of a tree. 

He laughs. “Uh, not much.” 

“You’re not staying here because of grades.” Rainer says. It isn’t a question. 

Fitzroy nods. 

“Can you tell me why you’re still here?”

He thinks for a moment, about how he shouldn’t even be talking to Rainer about any of this. It’s better if she doesn’t know, the same way it’s better if he just shuts himself in his dorm and doesn’t talk to anyone until Argo and the Firbolg get back. But he also thinks about the loneliness he’s felt since being left alone here, thinks about how smart Rainer is, how she trusts him. How he trusts her. 

“I’m not allowed to leave,” Fitzroy says, finally. She opens her mouth to ask another question, and he stops her. “I - I don’t want to say anything else. I don’t want _you_ to get hurt because I couldn’t keep my shit to myself.” 

“So. Argo and the Firbolg.” Rainer says instead. 

“They’re on some kind of mission without me. I don’t know where they are.” 

She looks at him with a look that can’t quite be called pity, because Rainer knows not to pity him, but might be called sadness. It’s the same look she gave him when he sat in her room sniffling, the night he admitted to her (and himself) that he had feelings for Argo. A night that seems eons ago, now. 

“Oh, Fitz.” Rainer says, soft, waiting for him to continue. 

Fitzroy takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’m so scared.” 

“I know.”

“They could be dying and I - I wouldn’t know. I can’t save them.” Saying the words out loud makes them feel much more real than they did when he was just thinking them, so Fitzroy looks down at the grass to avoid Rainer’s gaze. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Rainer says. “They’re big boys, they can handle themselves.” 

He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

“When am I not?” 

It makes him smile. 

“And, Fitzroy, if anything happens… if it’s any consolation, well, I _am_ a necromancer-” 

Fitzroy looks up at her, startled. “What, you mean - like your squirrel-” 

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it depends on how good I am at necromancy?” 

The thought of Rainer’s scary squirrel, the _exponentially worse_ thought of Argo and the Firbolg reduced to dancing bones, is enough to send a chill down his spine. He thinks about Argo dead, thinks about Argo as just another lifeless form, thinks about walking into their dorm and looking at Argo’s things, knowing Argo would never come back and make a mess in the middle of the floor, and it’s too much. 

“I have to go.” He says. 

Rainer reaches out for him. “Fitzroy, I didn’t mean - they’re going to be fine, we’re gonna see them again in a few days, there’s nothing to worry about.” 

Fitzroy nods. “I know. I know. I just… I need some air.” 

She raises an eyebrow. “We’re outside.” 

“I… I’m sorry, Rainer, I am overwhelmed and I need to step away for a second,” Fitzroy says instead, walking in whatever direction his feet are pointed toward. Rainer reaches out for him, but drops her hand onto her lap and lets him go. 

\--

Fitzroy had thought he’d already felt the worst of the fear that hasn’t let him go since he learned Argo and the Firbolg would be leaving. What he wasn’t prepared for, though, is how much worse it is at night. He lies in his bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. All he can think about is the two of them and how he has no way to know if they’re okay or not, how he can’t help them at all. It’s not that he isn’t tired, because he’s so exhausted he’s sure he could sleep for a month and wake up still tired, it’s that he’s _scared._

He isn’t sure when he falls asleep, but the last thing he remembers seeing is the beginning of the sunrise on the campus.

And he wakes up not long after, sitting upright in his bed, clutching his chest and breathing heavily until his heart rate returns to normal. 

“Gods.” 

It isn’t his first nightmare, and it sure as hell won’t be his last, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

He stays there until he isn’t shaky, until he’s at least partially convinced himself that Argo is alive, that Argo hasn’t died a terrible death like the one Fitzroy’s mind seemed intent on playing for him in high definition. 

Fitzroy doesn’t go back to sleep after that. 

\--

He passes the battlegrounds on his way to class the next day, and they’re empty save Jimson, who’s sitting on a bench doing something that looks an awful lot like sharpening weapons. 

“Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt,” he says, raising a hand in greeting. 

Fitzroy brushes off his shirt quickly, trying to look a little more put-together, and nods at him in greeting. “Uh, good morning.” 

Jimson waves him over, and Fitzroy finds himself obeying. 

“Are you… quite alright?” Jimson asks, and Fitzroy finds himself confused. 

“What?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, allow me to explain myself. I heard your sidekicks are off on a mission alone, and I know that can be nerve wracking, especially with Argo- what I mean to say is, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I remember the first time Crush was sent away without me. I still get a little freaked out when it happens.”

Fitzroy stands there for a second, trying to make sense of what it is he’s saying. Finally, “Oh. _Oh._ There must be a misunderstanding, Argo and I aren’t-”

Jimson just looks at him. “Fitzroy, you know there’s nothing _wrong_ about - that Wiggenstaff’s is accepting of all relationships, even if he’s your sidekick, as long as the two of you don’t-” 

“No. No, I mean Argo and I _really aren’t dating._ ” 

His face changes immediately. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean - I didn’t know-” 

Fitzroy shakes his head and laughs coldly. “It’s, ah, it’s not for lack of trying.” 

Jimson’s face softens. “I see. Well, best of luck to you, Sir Fitzroy.” 

He nods somewhat awkwardly, makes an excuse about getting to class, and gets the fuck out of there before the sheer awkwardness of it all fucking kills him. 

\--

He’s known all day that tonight isn’t going to be any better than the last. He’s tried to ignore it, tried to exercise more so he’d be more tired and perhaps his brain would therefore let him fall asleep at a more acceptable hour. Of course, this doesn’t work.

Fitzroy finds himself tossing and turning in his bed, staring at the ceiling or the floor or out the window or just keeping his eyes closed and hoping he’ll fall asleep accidentally, and none of it works. His chest is tight with worry and every time his mind is empty it floats to thinking of ways Argo could be dead. 

He groans. 

He throws his pillow at the wall in anger, but it just flops against the wall and falls to the ground with a particularly unsatisfying thud, making him even angrier. 

He tries to think of the last time he got a good night’s sleep that wasn’t the last night Argo and the Firbolg spent in the dorm, and comes up empty. 

So the last time he actually got rest was in Argo’s bed. 

And, well. Argo’s not here, so he wouldn’t _know_ if Fitzroy slept in his bed again. Just once. Or just until he came back. It’s harmless, isn’t it? Only a few hours of sleep, and Fitzroy would make the bed again before Argo gets home. It’d be fine. 

Argo’s bed actually does make him feel significantly better. Everything on it is _Argo’s_ , and Fitzroy doesn’t know when he started equating Argo with safe but he does know that he can’t separate the two now. He pulls the blanket over himself and finds himself surrounded by Argo’s smell, and even that is enough to calm him down. If he shuts his eyes, he can almost pretend that Argo is next to him, that Argo’s been next to him this whole time, and it’s enough. 

He slips into a trance. 

The next night, Fitzroy doesn’t even try to sleep in his own bed before climbing into Argo’s. He hopes Argo doesn’t mind. Part of him is worried about what Argo might think, but it’s practically impossible to think about anything bad when he’s surrounded by soft things that smell like Argo. Practically impossible to do anything except smile as he drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea why the note i put on chapter 1 is also on this chapter and I have no idea how to fix it so now there's just 2 end notes ig ????

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: lafayettesass


End file.
